FREAKING OUT OVERLOAD

OK so I thought I'd try to put into words why I'm left well and truly knackered!

I always new the time would come where I'd have to except that my little baby boy would one day be a big boy. I always knew that I would find it hard to not freak out at the slightest mishap but my god I never expected it to be this hard. I mean for god sake this is what is suppose to happen you give birth you love nurture protect care and teach basic manners right from wrong respect blar blar blar they grow up and then they fly the nest. SIMPLE RIGHT....UMMM WRONG!

We have spent 11 yrs nearly 12 loving caring protecting our boy we've spent as many years fighting for our sons life we've been to hell and back countless times and now we are expected to allow our boy to start taking on some of our responsibilities which to be fair is only right and fair. SO tell me why am I freaking out as much as I am? Why am I so scared to the point of feeling breathless? Why am I struggling to except that my little baby boy isn't so little anymore more to the point why do I feel lost a little empty maybe not to mention so afraid?

Perhaps its got something to do with the resent bullying issues at school or maybe its got something to with the fact tom was almost robbed by some child after school. All of which we tom's parent felt totally powerless to prevent net alone protect our boy from.

We have decided to enroll tom into a self defence class if for no other reason than to help boost tom's confidence that he can if needs be to protect himself it will hopefully give him the confidence he needs to be able to beat any other bully that preys and targets my boy as well as give him some where to go other than the temptation to hang around street corners this is also another opportunity for him to interact meet and make new friends. All of which Tom is in need of!

Can I just point out that despite how I am feeling my son got to go to youth club tonight for the very first time not only that he was allowed to meet-up with his friends and walk to and from youth club. Can I also point out that I was indeed clock watching and the palm of my hands where not only hot and sweaty but itching beyond belief for a call to say "mom I'm OK I'm here safe I'll see you later and I love you, Mom I've had a fab time" and "I'm on way home can you ask dad to meet me at the bottom of the road"!

Tom had a wicked time at youth club and it would appear that its done him good getting out and being allowed to show as well as prove he can be trusted as well as responsible. I'm so pleased but I'm happy he is home safe and sound. Tom Bought home a consent form allowing him to join the stonehouse gang and become a member meaning I will have to go through this once a week for at least the present...OMG how will we cope! I'm sure in time we will get use to it I'm sure in time we will relax but for now I'm FREAKED OUT!! I'm his mom there for I've earned the right to be freaked out simple!!

Whilst the last few weeks have been stressful both mentally and emotionally I'm so very proud of my big boy I'm proud of myself for not allowing my own anxiety to get in the way of my boy growing up and finding his own way in this world..